How to cope
with breakup
by Mani Jack,
M.J.
1. Sit down, take a pen and a book and do a long self-reflection
Love is not something that we can own. Some
people experience true love while some could only afford to experience the love
of sympathy. We can't even touch love no matter how long we hug the ones we
love because love is an abstract noun. We can feel it but sadly we cannot keep
it in our safest vault as we can't see it no matter how much love tries to express
itself from the eyes which are in love. We can technically create the feeling
of love by showing physical attractions but to maintain the fire of that love
requires so many things because men and women have complicated needs and wants.
When we fail in a relationship, it can either show the worst part of our ex or
show the worst side of ourselves. We should look deeper into ourselves and
study why we fail in that relationship but we cannot continue to punish nor
look down at ourselves just because we fail in a relationship. We can
always look for a missing shoe at a shoe store but love doesn't work that way.
Some are not meant to be together either because the flame is no longer there
or your ex refuses to keep the flame burning due to some known and unknown
reasons. Sometimes we are trapped between feeding our own ego instead of trying
to really understand why we fail.
2. Get closer to yourself.
Protect your mind from destructive thoughts.
After breakup, self-blame can be very extreme. Negative or evil thoughts might
be flooding your mind which could force your heart to feel the unbearable heat
of frustration. You must try your best to prevent yourself from doing something
which could harm yourself. If possible avoid driving. To cry within or to let
your eyes do the shouting is okay but try your best to protect your mind from
having more bleeding conflicts with your heart because the explosion in your
heart could drive your mind to do something insane. Last but not least,
regardless of your religious background, ask for help from the godly voice
inside your heart for guidance and protection.
3. Get closer to your family and good friends.
Quickly spend more time with them. Create
meaningful and sweet memories with them. Keep yourself busy. As time goes by,
that heartache will be reduced. You will find new love as you renew the
feelings of love between you and your good friends and your family members. The
time spent with them will make you realize that they are the ones who will be there
for you when things start to fall apart. They will not be able to replace the
love that you had for your ex but it will help you to understand more about the
many meanings of love.
4. Play with regrets.
Ask yourself these questions. Will I be able
to enjoy happiness if I were to continue to hope that he or she will come back
to me? Is it worth it for me to play wait and see? If I were to proceed with a
marriage with him or her, will I be able to keep that marriage which is heavily
burdened by our major differences and etc.? Can I give the best of myself if he
or she refuses to feel the same way as I do? What if this failure is just a
stepping stone before I meet the one that I have been looking for? Can a
marriage or a relationship grow if the foundation is weak as long as love is
concerned? Will I be able to adapt to his or her weaknesses for the rest of my
life? Am I too cheap or too weak to practice self-pity?
5. Invest in yourself.
Use the causes of the failure to rebuild yourself.
Perhaps, his or her temporary existence is meant to become your best turning
point. Focus on how you can make yourself much better than you were before. If
he or she left you because you are too dependent, learn to be independent but
don't do it because you want him or her to come back. If he or she left you
because you had nothing, learn to improve your academic qualification or the
status of your job but don't do it because you want him or her to come back. If
he or she left you because you were too emotional, learn to improve your
emotional intelligence but don't do it because you want him or her to come.
Focus on improving yourself because a better you will attract a better person
in the future only if you have learned to forgive your past. But if you drag
your past into the new relationship, history of your failures will repeat
itself.
6. Give yourself the correct amount of time to fall in love again.
Some people take months before they could fall
in love again while some take years. In some cases, some will forget about
falling in love again. No one can force you to fall in love again as love
itself is born out of nowhere. If you force yourself to fall in love again when
you are still emotionally wounded, the tendency to fail again is always higher
because the new person will be victimized by your assumption.
In conclusion, LOVE is not a subject that everyone can master but
patience and self-investment could make a lot of BIG differences.
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